Big Girls Don't Cry

Have you ever been in-love?

Have you ever been broken hearted?

For all of us who have been there, you know what I mean when I say, it ain't easy.. it ain't easy at all. My good friend who has 4kids now, even told me it breaks her heart even more when she realized that all her children will have to go through the same pain and hardship of going through a heart-break. She asks herself, how am I to comfort them when that time comes, when she knows there's really no way around it.

You're probably thinking I'm in-love right now.. or maybe the other option--broken-hearted right now.. hehehe.. EHNGK>> wrong answer.. I'm neither! (did that sound like a buzzer.. hehe.. i don't know how to write the sound of a buzzer.. hahaha)

Well, the reason I wrote this post is because I have a group-singing gig coming up and we're singing Big Girls Don't Cry (by Fergie). And going through the lyrics reminds me of that broken-hearted feeling.. I never really took notice of the song's lyrics before but if you read through it, it actually has a very good message.. A message of getting back on your feet and finding yourself..

As I sing it over and over so I can memorize my part.. hehe.. I'm actually loving it.. Especially the part where it says... I have to be with myself and center, CLARITY, PEACE, SERENITY.

Wow! so perfect.. I should've learned this song when I was broken hearted.. It would have made me feel a little bit better... hahaha..

Do you know what serenity means? As my mom always prays... God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. And that's exactly what we need to ask for when we're broken hearted.. when we're down and out.. when things don't go the way we want it to.. To Learn to Accept Things We Cannot Change.

We cannot change the reality that the people we used to love, don't love us anymore. We cannot change the reality that the person you dream about is already someone else's love. We cannot change the reality that the people you depend on, has already gone.

Or maybe the positive leads you were working so hard on, went with another company instead. Or maybe the success and fame that you used to have, has faded.

So many things we cannot change.. but the song goes on and says..

"But I've got to get a move on with my life."

and the punch line ofcourse goes like this..

"Its time to be a big girl now... And Big Girls Don't Cry"

I love the song now.

It's very real yet empowering.

Thank GOD, I'm a "little bit" of a BIG Girl now.. ;)

How about you?

-----

LYRICS

Big Girls Don't Cry

by Fergie

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection, baby

To be with myself and center

Clarity, peace, serenity

CHORUS:

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move in with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

The path that I'm walkin, I must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

-CHORUS-

BRIDGE:

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and Uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine

Valentine

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to

Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers

And share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home

It's getting late, dark outside

I need to be with myself and center

Clarity, peace, serenity

-CHORUS-

Balance

A friend once told me you need to create balance.
One of the many services at New Life that stuck to me was about balance.
I know of so many instances that I told myself I will create balance in my life.

But how exactly do we do that?
How exactly do "I" do that?
With work biting me in the ass.. How the !@#@$ do I do that?

I take joey to his different classes--swimming, tennis, dance, etc. Does that count as balance?
I eat breakfast or brunch with ma now.. does that count as balance?
I go ballroom dancing once in a while.. does that count as balance?
I go to church on wednesdays or sundays... does that count as balance?
I cleaned "some" of my drawers (hehe).. does that count as balance?
I'm back on my feet writing again... does that count as balance?
Hey I might even be considering having a love life sometime in this lifetime.. does that count as balance?? heheheh...

I go back to where I started.. and my work challenges didn't change.. so i still end up stressed..
Hmmmmmm......

Maybe if I ramp up the speed on considering a love life, maybe the stress would change?? hmm... nahhh... i might even get worse.. hehehehe...

Balance.. balance.. balance...

How do we do get to do that?
I really don't know..
But I'll keep trying.. when I've figured it out.. I'll let you know..

Cheers!

Pardon my post...
My post seems senseless.. hahaha...
I don't think you got anything from reading this :p

I do not eat the bread of idleness

This holy week has been most productive for me.

It all started when I dreamt of my dad telling me to go through my things cause I still had some stuff left. In my dream it was tagalog.. hehe.. dad said, "Anak tignan mo pa dun, may mga gamit ka pa do'n"

The whole dream was quite weird but an urging in my spirit was telling me.. go.. go.. go and take baby steps in orderliness.. So I did :D

If you know me, you'd know I'm ms. "tambak" hehehe..
When my table gets too cluttered, what I do is I take out all the clutters on my table and shove it to a basket or a rack or a corner.. hahaha.. and allow it to collect as much dust as it can! Or until my mother begins to yell at me.. hehehe... But now that I'm all grown up I think my mother gave up on yelling at me altogether.. and she's probably making use of the power of prayer instead to get my ass moving.. hahahaha... :p Hey, I'm being honest here.. its not easy to admit that.. but yes I am Ms. "tambak"

It has always been part of my prayer to God to help me overcome this weakness of mine. And I believe it is really a long process on how God works on us.. It's never a quick fix with God.. It all starts with a heart that seeks.. and it has to continue on with a heart that seeks him even more...

I finished cleaning my desk and drawers! I still have one big shelf left.. but overall my office area is pretty much neat and clean already!! I can't believe it.. hahaha.. My "tambak" has been in the box for over a year! bwahahahaa... And now IT'S CLEAN! :) :) :)

When I finished everything.. I remembered there is a verse in the bible that talks about being clean and organized .. So I looked it up... and its in my favorite chapter Proverbs 31.

And it said on verse 27:
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I am a success! I did not eat the bread of idleness during this Holy Week :)
I am so happy about myself.

I am a work in progress.

Thank you Lord.
This Easter Sunday, we remember Jesus Christ and it brings me to tears thinking about what He has done for us.... to die for our sins.. to save us from our past.. to redeem us... even though we do not deserve it.. but by GRACE we have been saved.
Oh dear Lord, thank you for your son Jesus.
Thank you Thank you Thank you.

I offer my baby steps of cleanliness and orderliness to You Lord.
I know You are smiling back at me.. You're probably saying.. Finally! my daughter listened! hehehe... I love you Lord and Thank you Thank you Thank you.. for I know You are working inside of me.

FC Tips 101: Envelope

I remembered a learning the other day when I visited a wake.. I made a mental note of the lesson to remember as a tip for funeral coordination.. and the lesson is..

#1 Must Have Empty Envelopes. :)

For what? you might ask.. hehe.. Well its for those people who want to give "abuloy" but don't have an envelope to put it in. :D

I was with my cousin when we visited the wake and because we didn't have an envelope, you know where she ended up inserting the money? in an empty sim card envelope.. hehehe... we gave the envelope and her friend said, ano 'to Load? hahahaha.... So lesson is... must have empty envelopes.

More tips next time...

Funeral Coordinator

Days has passed and the more I feel my calling in being a funeral coordinator.
Beyond the potential amount of money that can be earned *which I have yet to figure out..., I truly feel for everyone who has experienced a death in the family.

The concept of having a funeral coordinator is quite foreign to us Filipinos. Much like how people viewed wedding coordinators in the years back. So lets ask the important question, WHY? Why do you need a funeral coordinator?

With everything that has happened to me and our family, this is what I have surmised.
1. You need a funeral coordinator because you need a person of sound mind and heart to assist you in the decisions you have to make for the funeral.

2. You need a funeral coordinator because you need a person who will safeguard and protect your welfare from numerous people who take advantage of your grief and disorientation.

3. You need a funeral coordinator because you need a person who will guide you through the processes of death to the wake to the interment.


I remember that last few minutes of my dad, all the nurses were running around like headless chickens figuring out why they couldn't get his BP. Until finally they've concluded there was no more pulse. Time of Death 4:09 AM, the doctor said out loud. Then came silence.. a long silence... tears falling.. all i could do was rub my dad's cold feet and over and over again I whispered I Love You Dad.. I Love You Dad.... We were all at a loss... what now? what do we do now? My mom and I staring at blank space. Our minds floating in the air as if time has stopped and the world is moving in slow-mo.. or maybe it was because we were not moving at all..

My sister arrived and the OC that she is, she kept telling the nurse and doctors what happened? what else can we do? ganun na lang yun? wala na ba tayong magagawa pa? wala na ba kayong gagawin pa? she was practically harassing them.. Well, I can't blame her.. my sister has done everything she could in the last three months and why wouldn't she do the same on the last hour.. Just to calm her down, I had to tell her definitively "Wala na ate jack. Wala na si Dad. It's done". Tears again...

The doctors say you need to wait 45 minutes before they move the body. Silence again.......
It was like we were all in a trance or in tagalog.. tulala.. I thought to myself.. Pano ba ang mamatayan? Ano ba ang ginagawa pag ikaw ay namatayan?

You get blown by the wind and you just flow.. you don't even know where you're going..

Barely an hour and a half from my "tulala" self and just right after the Private Nurse asked permission to leave, my mother tells me the cash money I gave her the night before is missing. In all our "kaguluhan" we were not able to secure her bag.. Then I checked my bag, and my cash was gone toooooo!!!!!!! The part that's even more frustrating is that where our bags are placed are inside the room where only the Private Nurse and Close Family can go to.. So either we all stole from each other (which would be pointless) or the Private Nurse did it! waaaaaaaaaaa..........
My tears of loss is now turned into anger! How can people do that? In the middle of your grief, they steal from you??? WTF!

Just right there in that moment, I knew the cheaters, swindlers and victimizers of the world makes no exemptions in death. In fact they probably celebrate your loss and vulnerability for its their perfect time to attack and the worst part is sometimes you wouldn't even know they already duped you.

Sorry to sound so negative, but its really the sad truth. From hospitals, to memorial services even florists and other suppliers.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying everyone is like that, but I'm saying if you don't have a funeral coordinator of sound mind and heart, you just might end up with the cheaters.

I hope you got something out of my post.
It sure makes me feel better writing about it.

I am a work-in-progress.
I can sense, my calling for funeral coordination can go leaps and bounds.

I'll write more of my learnings in the days to come.

My head is hurting

Going through old pictures and finally downloaded all pictures in my phone.
Who wouldn't cry again and have a big headache after seeing these..

I miss you Dad..
I love you Dad...

Amidst my tears, I hold on to my verse this week that says....
"And the peace of God, that surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind through Christ Jesus."

Yes Lord, grant me Your peace.

Be Anxious for Nothing

In other words, DO NOT FRET or WORRY.
Instead of worrying... PRAY :)

I think this is truly the perfect verse to go over and over again for me.
For all the worry warts out there like me, this is the perfect verse to hold on to..
hehehehe...

Be Anxious for NOTHING!
But in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to GOD....

Yes, that's right, go ahead and let your requests be made known to GOD.. In other words, TELL HIM! Tell the heavenly Father your requests.. and don't just whine and whine and whine all day... hehehehehe...

So let's focus on those two simple points...
1) Do not Worry--be anxious for nothing.
2) Pray--tell God your requests.

I think I can do that.
Can you do that?
;)

On the 11th of April 2011

Is my mother's birthday.

Happy birthday Ma!

She turns 58 today.

And my memory verse for the week is:
Philippians 4:6-7
(NKJV)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

:)

I wish the world would stop.

Sometimes I wish the world would just stop.
I wish my world would take a halt so I can have time to breathe..
So I can have time to cry..
So I can completely mourn over my loss..
So I can see what else is still here..
So I can enjoy some time alone..
So I can be ok.

But our worlds don't stop.
It just keeps going.... and going... and going...
The world moves.. and in my moments of grief, I'm not sure if I can move with it.
But I have to...

So I keep at it..
Fake it til I make it.

Sometimes we think its easier to deny sadness or grief..
For the most part where you drown yourself in busy-ness--its easy.. until it hits you..
And you realize, you're not ok... I'm not ok..
I am grieving.

As my friend tells me.. it comes in waves..
I hope the next wave doesn't hit as bad.

----
Philippians 4:6-7
(MSG)
Don't fret or worry.
Instead of worrying, pray.
Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.
Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.